So yeah, it's valentine's day, and a happy one at that. Didn't get any pretty flowers, so this picture makes up for it. :) thank you, Costa Rica, once again.
I dont really have anything else to say in particular. It's been a difficult few days, but God has definitely come through and provided me with some amazing times and conversations with friends. I'm not very good at showing my appreciation for my friends and all that they've meant to me, but I really do love and value all of them. I would like to be better at communicating that. Ah well. For now, I'm just happy to be where I am, learning what I am. As much as I yearn for certain things in my future to happen the way I think they should, I am positively convinced that God's will is far better and I would rather He make the details happen instead of me attemtping to plan or dream up everything. He can do a far better job. I'd rather join Him where He is. That's all I seek, day by day.

letting go

"The growth of all living green things wonderfully represents the process of receiving and relinquishing, gaining and losing, living and dying. The seed falls into the ground, dies as the new shoot springs up. There must be a splitting and a breaking in order for a bud to form. The bud "lets go" when the flower forms. The calyx lets go of the flower. The petals must curl up and die in order for the fruit to form. The fruit falls, splits, relinquishes the seed. The seed falls into the ground...There is no ongoing spiritual life without the process of letting go. At the precise point where we refuse, growth stops. If we hold tightly to anything given to us, unwilling to let it go when the time comes to let it go or unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used, we stunt the growth of the soul." ~Elizabeth Elliot
So I read that today, and it really made me think. Lately, I feel as though God is asking me to let go of so many things I hold onto in my life. To let go, and trust that He is big enough to provide my every need. This certainly is not easy to say the least, but I am confident that during this process of learning to give up my desires to Him, He is going to grow me in so many ways and His will will be proven to be good and perfect.

Here's one last tidbit from her, I thought she said this well. "...I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: They will be done."

speaking of zoo...

So, what if our zoos actually looked as exotic as Costa Ricas?
So, I just want to wonder for a minute what in the world God must've been thinking when He created something that looks like that. I mean, what a weird quazi-alien-bear-looking-pig-nosed-thing it is. God definitely has a creative mind. Oh, and i got to pet that sloth too. weird, but kinda cute in a way.
and yeah, the zoo was great, the bathrooms weren't.

So here's my random thoughts for the day. (since i really should be cramming for my test right now, but i just need to get this out right now.) i LOVE the trees on campus! I sat outside all morning, with the B-eeeautiful cloudy weather out, and just couldn't get enough of the vibrant pretty trees. I feel like half the time I'm on campus, I'm thinking about some other cool place I'd like to go visit, but I definitely forget how much I do love the campus and how gorgeous the mountains are here.
I love coffee. I have no coffee in my house now. I am therefore, angry.......ok, had to get that out of my system. So I had to lead the floor time at preschool today, which entailed me having to get 20 little squirmy (isn't that a fun word to say) little 4 year olds to get excited in singing. Old mcdonald? haha, woulda been fine if I remembered the words to the darn song. I messed it up so badly in the beginning, that the kids were all looking around confused, the teachers in the classroom were raising their eyebrows at me, and I was utterly befuddled at how I could mess up Old McDonald. Did I not have a childhood? Perhaps that's why it's good I'm reliving it right now.
One great thing about my job (which is completely exhausting, but I love every minute of it), is that I have the cutest little boys I'm in charge of during rest time. There are 3 in my little section of the classroom. Otis to my right, who is this adorable little blond haired boy who definitely has a speech problem so it's kinda hard to understand him (and what kind of name is Otis for a little kid? all I can think of is Elisha Otis, the guy who invented the elevator. that or it reminds me of a little old man who plays chess all day long). This little boy is absolutely adorable, and is the most fashionable little 4 year old I've ever seen. He's always wearing little collared shirts under a khaki blazer type jacket. weird, but way cute. Then, on the left of me is the most precious little asian boy, Jae-woong. He doesn't talk much, but he just looks at you with those little cute eyes and makes you want to melt. My last little boy in the group is Reece, who is quite the talker and has great red hair. He always knows all the answers to all the questions and is really smart. So basically, they're all my favorites and they make me want to have a bunch of little boys someday. I'm sure it's totally different when you're a mom 24/7 and they're acting up, but hey, they're definitely waaay cute right now.
So I really love cloudy days. It makes me feel all around happier. Guess that's what you get for growing up in the desert. I wonder if I could ever get sick of them, or of rainy days. If I end up moving to Seattle for grad school, I'll have to let you know. I'll have 3 years to find out.
Uh, what else. I really love The Fray and their Over My Head song. I can't get enough of it. I think it's just because I feel like it's in a good range for me to sing with. You know those bands that you love their stuff but it's just impossible to sing with? I can't sing with Third Day. That makes me sad. Maybe if I just learned to sing in the first place I wouldn't have problems with that.
Oh, and I really want a dog. and a kite. and a trip to the zoo here. that's all really.
:)

As some of you may know, I like pictures. I like to take pictures, and I like to look at my pictures. They are nothing spectacular, but they make me happy. (as this one does). So you'll just have to look at them too. Those are some magnificent mountains right there. A-mazing. nuff said

So ...yeah. Thoughts for the night.

Have you ever just really really wanted to go somewhere else? Just jet off to a different country for a while? These feelings have been haunting me for the last week. Maybe it's just because three of my very good friends are living in countries I'd love to be in-- Italy and Costa Rica. what I would give to be wandering around with them right now, exploring the cobble-stoned streets of Italy while enjoying a huge cup of Gelato, or strolling the zoo in San Jose while there's a light sprinkle of the all-to-common rain. Perhaps it's just pure envy because I've been both those places before and have gotten a taste of what it might be to actually live there for a time. I imagine so. It is so easy to slip into waves of non contentment (is that a word?) For all that I am blessed with in this life, my health, my house, an opportunity to be getting a great education that so many in the world can never ever get....how can I be so selfish to hate where I am right now and wish to be traveling the world like my friends? I guess it's really that statement that the "grass is always greener on the other side." Gosh I don't know what it is about travelling ...I just want to go everywhere and see everything. Something about it just excites me so. To see and explore a place I've never been, to watch how people live in a different culture from yours, to see the amazing beauty that God put on this earth...perhaps someday I'll be able to explain it. What scares me is the thought of me growing up and not getting to go explore different places. To live in the same city for the rest of my life, to be in a job where I can't leave for a time. It almost makes me feel guilty for even feeling this way. If I am completely surrendered to the Lord's will for my life, won't He certainly fill me up with all I need and (as it says in Psalms) give me the desires of my heart, the desires that will inevitably be changed as my heart grows closer to God and in following where He leads? I confess I definitely don't know how all that works. I am convinced that God is my all....that He is the only one to fulfill all of my needs, even these supposed "needs" to travel, as if somehow that is what can complete me. So anyhow, that's about all I got. I do know that God is not boring, and perhaps He's got some crazy places He wants me to be at in the future, I can't say for sure. I just hope that I will be able to learn as the Apostle Paul did, how to be content in all circumstances. That's my prayer.