So, to be honest, this weekend hasn't been the greatest. Maybe I'm just being an emotional girl, but it's definitely been filled with lots of ups and downs. Today wasn't much different. A while ago I felt like I was allowing myself to be distracted from God in all the little stupid annoying daily chores/thoughts/worries/responsibilities etc. Now, I feel that I'm instead falling into all the emotions of things and not running to my Lord and His beautiful truths. I was taken aback a little today while I was working with my little kids in the afternoon. One little boy in particular has so much energy and vibrancy that he's up one minute, and the second something goes wrong, he has a huge crying fit about it. Everytime something that he thought was his was taken away from him (like this darn small plastic ball he became obsessed with and called "MINE" with such a tone of self-consumed ownership it was ridiculous), he immediately dropped everything and started crying and could not be consoled in the least. He was so focused on this one thing that he wanted so badly-this one thing that was taken away-that he became so distraught all he could do was stand there and cry. It was like he was paralyzed by this. Now, granted, he is just a young child--this is what they do. They cry and throw fits if they don't get their way. But sometimes, it's interesting to look at this picture and in some form, compare it to what we do.
Later in the day, this small boy was just so upset by everything, that all he could do was frantically try to crawl into my lap and bury his face in my arms. Now, I only see this boy for a few hours, but still he recognizes that older figure--that comfort that can be found in some 'adult'--and turn to it when they're upset. How much more does our Father in heaven want us to turn to Him when we feel like the world is ending, that no one understands, that we just keep screwing things up and don't know how to move on.....Especially after this past weekend that I had, all I could envision was me wanting to run up and jump into my Father's arms and burrow my face in His warmth and love. I forget so often that we have a Lord who would rather die for us than live without us...that in spite of our sin, He still loves us....that even when we screw up, or don't understand why we must wait for things, or especially when we're so darn selfish that we throw a fit when we don't get what we think we deserve.....He still loves us. That's pretty extraordinary. Unimaginable. Beautiful.
What an amazing God we serve. How amazing His grace and love.
"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart......" Isaiah 40:11
Monday, October 23, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Sunday, October 01, 2006
some goodies...
"With thee conversing, I forget all time,
All seasons, and their change; all please alike.
Sweet is the breath of morn, her rising sweet,
With charm of earliest birds, pleasant the sun,
When first on this delightful land he spreads
His orient beams, on herb, tree, fruit and flower
Glistering with dew; fragrant the fertile earth
After soft showers, and sweet the coming-on
Of grateful evening mild; then silent night,
With this her solemn bird, and this fair moon,
And these the gems of Heaven, her starry train:
But neither breath of morn, when she ascends
With charm of earliest birds; nor rising sun
On this delightful land; nor herb, fruit, flower
Glistering with dew; nor fragrance after showers;
Nor grateful evening mild; nor silent night,
With this her solemn bird; nor walk by moon,
Or glittering star-light, without thee is sweet.
~John Milton, Paradise Lost
I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.
You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.
Oh plunge me deep in love - put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind
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