So today at work, it felt like the whole world was against me. Let me explain. You know how pastors always slip into a sermon about God's love for us (or something along those lines) how they fully understood it once they had their own kids and blah blah blah, which doesn't mean much to me seeing as I haven't had kids yet. (or...I have, but i just dont see them much since they live in a tent in my backyard). Sidetrack...anyway, something about that stuck in my mind as I dealt with the kids. I dont know if it's something strange in the Tucson drinking water as of late (hah, as of late, try as of forever since who knows where T-town water originates, probably the sludge from sewers, the ones the ninja turtles came out of.) again, another sidetrack. I kinda felt in a way like God today...hah, not even close, but maybe some little bit. I felt that as much as I tried, every single kid in the room would not listen to me or obey the rules of naptime. They all just did what they wanted, they lied about taking stuff when I saw them do it, they fought with eachother, they tattled on one another as if to justify their own misbehaving, they pretty much did everything I didn't want for them. Granted, they are 5 years old, and sometimes they just dont do what you want them to do. All I wanted was that they have a nice short nap so that they wouldn't be so tired later in the afternoon. I mean, as much as I'd love to have an hour of naptime myself, it's really for them.
but in a way, this crazy picture started coming to me. Isn't that a lot like our Lord? The One who created us and the One who sits there and watches every stupid sinful thing we do, everytime we fight with others, lie to others so as to make ourselves feel better, twist the truth and gossip about others so we look better, and pretty much just do what we want. How incredibly painful must it be for Him to watch us ruining our lives with these things, filling them up with things that will just waste away and won't bring us any closer to Him, tearing others down just because we don't 'like' them. Oh, how it must break His heart.
I felt like I just saw all the worst of mankind today in those kids. I"m not saying that to be dramatic at all, but I seriously saw how many hateful things can be done by even these little kids. Example #2= this one little boy was carrying around a little stuffed bear during the activities, and even came and showed it to me. I didn't think anything of it until I looked across the room a few minutes later, and there was another boy speaking loudly and angrily to the boy with the bear. I walked over to try to break them up and solve the problem, when the one boy started hitting the boy with the bear. I stopped them, and after a while finally found out that the bear belonged to the boy's little sister who was sick, and the other one had just taken it out of her cubby hole. So , the other boy (being the nice older brother, as endearing as that may seem, it wasn't very cute when he started kicking and hitting the other one only to get back at him), decided that he was going to do everything he could to get back at the bear-stealer, even after we all talked it out, the boy appologized, and put the bear away. For the rest of the classhour, the angry little brother kept trying to kick the bear-stealer, sit in front of him so he couldn't see the teacher at group time, and even at one point, picked up a wooden play ladder and tried to hit him over the head with it. Luckily, I was there to grab it just in time, and took the boy aside to ask him what in the world was he eff-ing thinking. (ok, maybe not in that strong language) but i was getting tired of this vindictive behavior. after all, this boy is 5 freakin' years old! i mean, seriously.
So he started crying, told me about his sister who was gone to the day to the doctors, and how she had accidentally left her bear at school. He then went on to say that the bear-stealer need to be punished, and he wanted to hurt him. He even named another boy from the class(who was his best friend) and said that they both would get back at him on the playground and beat him up. I was shocked at all this, simply over a bear.
So to make a long story short (too late, i know), I couldn't believe that even though these were little 5 year olds who may not even understand everything , they can still come up with this hatefulness towards others and want to hit back when someone hits them. It's just a natural thing to do for them, one little kid hits or kicks you, then you hit or kick them back even harder.
I guess that's why Jesus was so revolutionary. He didn't do that. He's the one who even said to turn the other cheek. Out of all this, is there some sort of application? how bout this--humanity is sinful. It definitely is in our nature to want to hurt those who hurt us. That's why our Savior came, that's why He died in our place. Someday, we will be in a place where there is no more hurt, there are no more tears, there is no more sin. And better yet, we will be in the presence of a most holy, most loving Father who simply wants to love us and make Himself known to us, His creation. There's a picture for you. It may not mean much, and I may just be rambling here, but one thing I'm greatful for--these small glimpses of God's love for us. That in spite of all our wickedness, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us so that we may have a way back to Him. and praise the Lord for that. :)

oh yes!

Hahahaha.....i'm sorry, but this picture just makes me laugh--all the time. Is that really possible? I need a dog like that. although, i'm feeling this strange urge to want to give the poor thing Mouth to mouth. hmm, weird. but hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

I really like trees.


yeah,



that's about it.



someday, i hope to have a lot of them at my house. not in it, mind you. although, that'd be nice. but just outside of it. just right outside of it. so i can still look at them. all the time.
and smile.

Me extrana a mi amiga....

In honor of....

YAY I'M GOING BACK!!! In honor of the most amazing purchase of the weekend (a roundtrip fare to London), I thought I'd post this. What a thrill! I really don't have any more to say about it, other than have a hugely ecstatic grin on my face and a near eruption of sheer joy at every thought of going to my land of parks and green trees! oh, and tee and scones and amazing accents ....and the list goes on.

One thing is for sure...it's going to be a rockin' summer!

and also in honor, here's a great poem i was reading ( i know, i read poetry now, crazy!)

The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! And cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,

Some days must be dark and dreary

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Life is to be lived.....

So, I have been neglecting my photographic representation of the green things of this world--so here's a picture that makes me happy. That doesn't look anything like the jungle I like to think of, but that's actually in the mountains of Costa Rica. Que lindo!!!

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. ~Anne Frank

And also, today, I was reminded about how easily I lose sight of things. After a fantastic lunch with the most amazing couple ever, the Miller's, I remembered one amazing thing. Life is meant to be lived. They have had such a full life and marriage, that anyone who spends about 30 seconds with them can tell that they are enjoying all God has put before them. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the moment, in the unknowns of life, in trying to figure out what the heck I'm doin each day that I forget to really live it to the fullest, because a) God gave it to me, and b) it could be my last.
So, these thoughts brought a memory to mind of my time in Costa Rica. More specifically, my oh-so exhilerating zip line run through the hills and jungles. Now that was more than words could say, and probably the closest to flying I've ever been. This picture doesn't do it justice, but it was truly wonderful to be in the moment right there-gliding over all God's creation. Not that I can do this every day, but I hope my future is full of terrifyingly wonderful experiences like this.

But hopefully those adventures won't be with any more minor handicaps (see below). How bout that livin' for ya--I did that entire zip line/hiking up hills/craziness with that darn cast on which made my foot purple and swollen. The pain was worth it though. Vale la pena!! or so they say.
So here's to living life to the fullest, every single day, as my grandpa always tells me. Or, as a wiser man once said, "I have seen that nothing is better than that man should be happy in his activities, for that is his lot." Solomon, Ecclesiastes 3:22...or..."it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him.." Ecc. 5:18.

Pura Vida.

Call me McGyver

So this is what you do if you don't have a sled. You improvise. Unfortunately, it's never as good as the original.
But still a riot either way. Good times.

oh, to have those days

So, I was having a pretty crappy morning yesterday, I'm not gonna lie. I was feeling overwhelmed and just oppressed on the whole. All I wanted to do was to crawl into my bed at home and never come out into the world again. Sounds dramatic, I know, but that's how it went-a mass pile-up of so many worries and concerns, all seeking to drag me down into the muck of distraction and oppression. As the morning progressed, I got to the point where I knew what I had to do. Cry out to God. I knew I couldn't go on without Him. From that point on, my day drastically changed. Simply confessing all my worries and lack of trust to God made all the difference. God took me out of myself and my supposed sorrows and brought me back to Him.

At work yesterday this little adorably cute girl, Ximei, came up to me on the playground with this huge smile on her face, looked at me as if to say something, and simply crawled into my lap. No words, no hesitation. All she did was sit with me for a while, which she had never done before. This affection and quiet trust brought a picture to mind. It was how much God loves it when his children come crawling up to rest in His lap....no words, no complaints, no whining. Laying that all aside to simply 'be' with Him, to believe in Him with childlike faith. To know that He is in control. Now isn't that a cool picture. What a blessing. The rest of the day, I couldn't get that image out of my mind. How I long to crawl into my Father's lap. To lay aside my selfish pride and confess how much I need a Savior, how desperately I need my Lord to guide me and love me. Praise God.

Sigh....

So, I figured I needed a picture to match my emotions at the moment. What could be better than my erupting prehistoric-like volcano picture from Costa Rica? Not that I'm really that ragingly (is that a word?) angry or anything, but I just felt that this was the one. I'm tired of being frustrated by all the unknowns in life-of having to wait on God and His timing for things. Perhaps it's just my selfish nature of wanting to control my future, of wanting to tell God how I'd like things to turn out or how I would like to serve Him. I guess in my limited eyesight, I feel like I know exactly what would be perfect for me and I know exactly what needs to happen. Truth is (and this is a shocker), I know nothing. Things could change so quickly in a time as short as a day. Do I really believe that God can do the impossible with my life? Am I so blinded by my own selfishness and unwillingness to give my future over to God that I miss what He's doing in my life right now? I always feel like I have so many questions for God as to why things turn out the way they do. Over anything, I'd rather take my honest frustrations and questions to God, but I'm really trying to learn how to simply come before Him and rest in His love and understanding. To find rest in the arms of the One who has everything under control. To rest in the neverending mercy and patience He shows me when I always get hung up on what seems like the same issues or complaints. He is faithful and will always be. He knows what is best for me. It is in His way that I desire to walk. Now if only I could just get over myself. Exactly the reason why I so desperately need a Savior. I guess that's all of my ramblings for the evening.
I love the Lord for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy......The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need he saved me. Be at REST once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered my sould from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling....Psalm 116
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. TRUST in God; trust also in me. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."~ Jesus, John 14:1,27

Thoughts for the morning

"Behold, children are a gift of the Lord..." Psalm 127:3

..and those are some beautiful girls-mis amigas de Imuris.

more to come about that trip soon, so stay tuned.



Here is something I was reading this morning that really spoke to me.

"I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts." ~Elizabeth Elliot

"You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever." Psalm 16:11

Lord, teach me to listen. The times are noisy and my ears are weary with the thousand raucous sounds which continuously assault them. Give me the spirit of the boy Samuel when he said to Thee, "Speak, for thy servant heareth." Let me hear Thee speaking in my heart. Let me get used to the sound of Thy Voice, that its tones may be familiar when the sounds of earth die away and the only sound will be the music of Thy speaking Voice. Amen.
~A.W. Tozer, a very amazing man

So yeah, it's valentine's day, and a happy one at that. Didn't get any pretty flowers, so this picture makes up for it. :) thank you, Costa Rica, once again.
I dont really have anything else to say in particular. It's been a difficult few days, but God has definitely come through and provided me with some amazing times and conversations with friends. I'm not very good at showing my appreciation for my friends and all that they've meant to me, but I really do love and value all of them. I would like to be better at communicating that. Ah well. For now, I'm just happy to be where I am, learning what I am. As much as I yearn for certain things in my future to happen the way I think they should, I am positively convinced that God's will is far better and I would rather He make the details happen instead of me attemtping to plan or dream up everything. He can do a far better job. I'd rather join Him where He is. That's all I seek, day by day.

letting go

"The growth of all living green things wonderfully represents the process of receiving and relinquishing, gaining and losing, living and dying. The seed falls into the ground, dies as the new shoot springs up. There must be a splitting and a breaking in order for a bud to form. The bud "lets go" when the flower forms. The calyx lets go of the flower. The petals must curl up and die in order for the fruit to form. The fruit falls, splits, relinquishes the seed. The seed falls into the ground...There is no ongoing spiritual life without the process of letting go. At the precise point where we refuse, growth stops. If we hold tightly to anything given to us, unwilling to let it go when the time comes to let it go or unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used, we stunt the growth of the soul." ~Elizabeth Elliot
So I read that today, and it really made me think. Lately, I feel as though God is asking me to let go of so many things I hold onto in my life. To let go, and trust that He is big enough to provide my every need. This certainly is not easy to say the least, but I am confident that during this process of learning to give up my desires to Him, He is going to grow me in so many ways and His will will be proven to be good and perfect.

Here's one last tidbit from her, I thought she said this well. "...I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: They will be done."

speaking of zoo...

So, what if our zoos actually looked as exotic as Costa Ricas?
So, I just want to wonder for a minute what in the world God must've been thinking when He created something that looks like that. I mean, what a weird quazi-alien-bear-looking-pig-nosed-thing it is. God definitely has a creative mind. Oh, and i got to pet that sloth too. weird, but kinda cute in a way.
and yeah, the zoo was great, the bathrooms weren't.

So here's my random thoughts for the day. (since i really should be cramming for my test right now, but i just need to get this out right now.) i LOVE the trees on campus! I sat outside all morning, with the B-eeeautiful cloudy weather out, and just couldn't get enough of the vibrant pretty trees. I feel like half the time I'm on campus, I'm thinking about some other cool place I'd like to go visit, but I definitely forget how much I do love the campus and how gorgeous the mountains are here.
I love coffee. I have no coffee in my house now. I am therefore, angry.......ok, had to get that out of my system. So I had to lead the floor time at preschool today, which entailed me having to get 20 little squirmy (isn't that a fun word to say) little 4 year olds to get excited in singing. Old mcdonald? haha, woulda been fine if I remembered the words to the darn song. I messed it up so badly in the beginning, that the kids were all looking around confused, the teachers in the classroom were raising their eyebrows at me, and I was utterly befuddled at how I could mess up Old McDonald. Did I not have a childhood? Perhaps that's why it's good I'm reliving it right now.
One great thing about my job (which is completely exhausting, but I love every minute of it), is that I have the cutest little boys I'm in charge of during rest time. There are 3 in my little section of the classroom. Otis to my right, who is this adorable little blond haired boy who definitely has a speech problem so it's kinda hard to understand him (and what kind of name is Otis for a little kid? all I can think of is Elisha Otis, the guy who invented the elevator. that or it reminds me of a little old man who plays chess all day long). This little boy is absolutely adorable, and is the most fashionable little 4 year old I've ever seen. He's always wearing little collared shirts under a khaki blazer type jacket. weird, but way cute. Then, on the left of me is the most precious little asian boy, Jae-woong. He doesn't talk much, but he just looks at you with those little cute eyes and makes you want to melt. My last little boy in the group is Reece, who is quite the talker and has great red hair. He always knows all the answers to all the questions and is really smart. So basically, they're all my favorites and they make me want to have a bunch of little boys someday. I'm sure it's totally different when you're a mom 24/7 and they're acting up, but hey, they're definitely waaay cute right now.
So I really love cloudy days. It makes me feel all around happier. Guess that's what you get for growing up in the desert. I wonder if I could ever get sick of them, or of rainy days. If I end up moving to Seattle for grad school, I'll have to let you know. I'll have 3 years to find out.
Uh, what else. I really love The Fray and their Over My Head song. I can't get enough of it. I think it's just because I feel like it's in a good range for me to sing with. You know those bands that you love their stuff but it's just impossible to sing with? I can't sing with Third Day. That makes me sad. Maybe if I just learned to sing in the first place I wouldn't have problems with that.
Oh, and I really want a dog. and a kite. and a trip to the zoo here. that's all really.
:)

As some of you may know, I like pictures. I like to take pictures, and I like to look at my pictures. They are nothing spectacular, but they make me happy. (as this one does). So you'll just have to look at them too. Those are some magnificent mountains right there. A-mazing. nuff said

So ...yeah. Thoughts for the night.

Have you ever just really really wanted to go somewhere else? Just jet off to a different country for a while? These feelings have been haunting me for the last week. Maybe it's just because three of my very good friends are living in countries I'd love to be in-- Italy and Costa Rica. what I would give to be wandering around with them right now, exploring the cobble-stoned streets of Italy while enjoying a huge cup of Gelato, or strolling the zoo in San Jose while there's a light sprinkle of the all-to-common rain. Perhaps it's just pure envy because I've been both those places before and have gotten a taste of what it might be to actually live there for a time. I imagine so. It is so easy to slip into waves of non contentment (is that a word?) For all that I am blessed with in this life, my health, my house, an opportunity to be getting a great education that so many in the world can never ever get....how can I be so selfish to hate where I am right now and wish to be traveling the world like my friends? I guess it's really that statement that the "grass is always greener on the other side." Gosh I don't know what it is about travelling ...I just want to go everywhere and see everything. Something about it just excites me so. To see and explore a place I've never been, to watch how people live in a different culture from yours, to see the amazing beauty that God put on this earth...perhaps someday I'll be able to explain it. What scares me is the thought of me growing up and not getting to go explore different places. To live in the same city for the rest of my life, to be in a job where I can't leave for a time. It almost makes me feel guilty for even feeling this way. If I am completely surrendered to the Lord's will for my life, won't He certainly fill me up with all I need and (as it says in Psalms) give me the desires of my heart, the desires that will inevitably be changed as my heart grows closer to God and in following where He leads? I confess I definitely don't know how all that works. I am convinced that God is my all....that He is the only one to fulfill all of my needs, even these supposed "needs" to travel, as if somehow that is what can complete me. So anyhow, that's about all I got. I do know that God is not boring, and perhaps He's got some crazy places He wants me to be at in the future, I can't say for sure. I just hope that I will be able to learn as the Apostle Paul did, how to be content in all circumstances. That's my prayer.

Yes...someday I will return to my Hyde Park and spend an afternoon on that very park bench!!

Another distraction....

Green. The word just rolls off the tongue and into the imagination of a never ending field of green at the base of some majestic looming mountains. In the distance, a hammock under a droopy green tree is waiting for you to hop in and watch the world go by as you listen to a babbling stream meander through the valley. That is my dream. That is my future. Ok, so one can only hope. Haha, that's about as far as my "poetic" mind will take me. I'll stop. So here I am, joining the craze and starting a blog. Here's to whatever I'll find the great urge to post....hope you all enjoy a brief foray into the thoughts of Jenny. Pura Vida por siempre!